Hydrogen and Phosphorus

There are some times in the past, present, or even future when you find yourself looking back on memories from a long time ago, yearning to bring it back again, to continue it, or anything but forget about it and move on. I just had that experience recently so I want to spare some thoughts about it.

Let me start with the fact that I was a manga translator in the past. I began the job - not really a job since it was out of interest and hobby, I did not get paid for anything - about six years ago, when I was in secondary school. It lasted for more than four years, I decided to stop two years ago, you know, every party has to end eventually. For two years, the idea of restarting it never crossed my mind as I actually thought I had grown out of it already.

Recently, I came across some of those projects which somehow were still in my computer. As many people may feel in such circumstance, I was very nostalgic. To see how many pages and chapters I had translated and edited, I started to feel bad that I had put an end to it two years ago. At that moment, I really wanted to start over, to continue what I had left behind in the past. I prepared myself, with all enthusiams, and even my computer to begin translating once again.

However, if anything could go according to plan, it would not be called "life". If you want to translate manga, the most important thing you have to have is the raw, unedited manga, which is in Japanese. Trust me, finding anything related to Japanese on the internet is truly nightmare. For your information, Japanese highly restrict the matter of copyright, therefore manga, anime, J-pop, movies, and the like can barely survive on the internet. Back to where we were, yeah, raw manga. I spent all night (not really all night, just a couple of hours, or even less) turning Google upside down only to find all my resources from years ago had either disappeared or put down. To be frank, I could not find my way back to two years ago anymore.

In another case, say, I remembered an old movie I had watched during my childhood, about over ten years ago for example. Things like that happen to me very often actually. When the idea crossed my mind, I immediately looked everywhere on the internet to find that movie. Unfortunately, sometimes I could not find it. Some other I could find it, but it was not in my language, and I could not stand watching anything without understanding so it was not a bit different from not finding it. There were also times I found it, in my language also, and I was overjoyed at that moment. Yet the joy did not last long after the first scenes were played. The movie was still the same as it was over ten years ago, it may sound a bit ridiculous but that was the problem. Technology has evolved over the decade, and I have grown to get so used to HD quality. It still irritated me when watching a poor quality movie which barely reached 360p, no matter how I had yearned to relive the memories and feelings back then.

Time flows, things change, people change. And change is not a bad thing, especially when it is a change toward something bigger and better. When you keep on clinging to the past, eventually you will find yourself have not moved forward even the least bit, yet cannot bring back the past either, which means you are standing still. In the middle of the flow of things, if you try to move against the current, you are actually standing still, and if you stand still, you are actually left behind. In such situation, the best way is letting go of whatever holding you, and move on ahead. Of course it is a wonderful nostalgic feeling to look back on the past sometimes, it shows that you are a person full of affection and gratitude, which is a good thing. However, like all those photos we keep in frames and albums, looking at them smiling is enough.

I started a hobby, I broke a hobby. Now, I am looking for a new hobby. As you can see, I am writing blogs, I hope this will become a long-term hobby of mine from now on. Not just that, there are still many more things I want to try, but since I have not started, I am not going to talk about it for the time being. Translating manga is and will always be one experience of my childhood and might someday be of use for me. However, I will not restart it, at least not as a hobby, I will do it if I get an actually job. Honestly, I feel happy with letting go, at first it seems hard to accept, but after a while I will get over it. This is something I have to get used to.

*SPOILER ALERT*



I went to see Finding Dory yesterday with my friend. After 13 years, Dory has finally got to star in her own movie !! At this moment I am still very excited by the movie so I decided to write a review about it. I am not a movie critic so it may not be enough to be a review though, just some of my thoughts about the movie.

Before diving down the ocean, we started with the short film Piper. One big impression it laid on me was how real it looked. I knew it was an animation but still, every grain of sand, every bubble, every wave, and even the fur of the piper. In this short film, Disney still does what they do best, making such adorable creatures. Yes that little bird is soooooooooooooo cute !!


I knew it was going to be a great experience right at the moment Dory's voice first appeared. I even uttered, "The legendary voice!". Just so you know, I am not a hard core fanatic of Dory and Finding Nemo in the first place, I just felt kind of nostalgic to hear such a familiar voice again after 13 years in a whole new movie.


I also love how they still include Marlin and Nemo in the movie since usually for many spin-offs, there are independent storyline and even characters. Therefore, seeing Marlin and Nemo again along with Dory, it made me feel as if nothing had changed after more than a decade, and Finding Nemo was just like yesterday, with anxious father Marlin, playful little Nemo, and forgetful but optimistic Dory. I think that many people share the same feeling as I do, watching this movie is like a journey back to childhood.


As for other characters, I like them all, yeah just as simple as that. Again Disney's logic is weird but adorable at the same time. Destiny has severe vision impairment and always bumps her head into the wall, yet her neighbour is Bailey the beluga, who is gifted "the World's Most Powerful Pair of Glasses" and also the one with the swelling in the head. Also, at first I had known that octopus, or in this case Hank the septopus, could camouflage, I actually thought they got the idea of the chameleon. How dumb I was. Most funny one? I would say the sea lions trio. I don't really remember their names but how two of them bully the other one is really, sounds crazy, hilarious to me. However, I find it a little disappointing that the shark is not here.


By the way, the Kid Zone is absolutely CRIMINAL. It seems like according to Disney's logic, when it comes to fish, kids are the greatest villians. In Finding Nemo we have that little girl with orthodontics who is the most terrifying "villian" of all time, at least I think so. In Finding Dory, we have DOZENS and HUNDREDS of such "villians", well not with orthodontics anymore. And worse, ALL of them attack AT ONCE. No that kind of Kid Zone should never exist, NEVERRR.

Ok back to Dory. 13 years ago, Disney brought us to the journey of searching and rescuing little Nemo. However, after having watched Finding Dory, I realised that this movie is not about searching and rescuing Dory, but the other way around. It is Dory's journey to find her way back to every part of her family, not just her parents, but also Marlin and Nemo. Despite suffering from "short-term memory loss", after all those years, Dory still can find her way all across the ocean back home, just like how she helped Marlin find his son years ago. Moreover, the idea of following the shells throughout the movie is quite touching. Not only the daughter struggles to get home, but the parents also set out paths and wait for their child to come back and reunite with them. Call me a cry baby or anything, I really shed a tear watching that scene.


I have never been disappointed after getting to the cinemas to watch a Disney movie (or maybe because I have never watched a Disney's letdown, if any), and yesterday was just the same. The movie is worth everything that I put, the money, the time, and even the 13-or-less-year of wait.

Throughout your life, you have met and are going to meet countless of people, and there is absolutely no way you can please every single person setting foot in your path. How will you act if you are to find out there is somebody out there who hates you? For me, when I first encountered something like this, I felt like I was an absolute loser. I lost all of my confidence and was always nervous of everything I did. The feeling of being criticised, badmouthed, which was not just a feeling, haunted me for a considerably long time, to the extent that I actually thought of giving up and transfering to another school (yes this happened when I was young).

However, as time went by, I eventually figured out that I was completely wrong and pretty ashamed of how weak I had been. I was nervous, I was scared, and so what? It did not seem like they would pity me for that and somehow just un-hate me. In fact, seeing me like that was like a huge achievement for them. Trying to be friendly and stuff did not help, it was not like I felt delighted to talk with someone who hated me, I do not and cannot fake my emotions actually. Trying to change was complete nonsense because I did not know what to change, since like I mentioned before, they hate you for no specific reason. I realised that in that battle which they were the provokers, I already lost miserably just by accepting it.

I would say that it was a battle, but the thing is you can never gain victory. So what to do in the battle that you cannot win? The answer is simple enough, do not even start it. I came up with this entry unintentionally, during my getting-ready-to-have-a-nap and somehow the idea of nitrogen, oxygen and others in the air got into my mind. Just like how I state in the title, treat people who hate you like nitrogen.

What is nitrogen actually? For those who have not had the idea, nitrogen is a transparent gas and makes up about 78% of the air (according to what I found on the Internet, please correct me if I'm wrong). In normal condition, this is inert gas, which mean it does not form any reactions with any chemicals whatsoever. Along with oxygen and carbon dioxide and any other components of the air, it goes in and out of your body every second, every minute, every hour, every day, yet you can barely feel it.

So why do I compare haters with nitrogen? As you can see, they are everywhere around you. At first you do not know about their existence, but even when you actually know about it, it is just another piece of knowledge you gain. Even if you care about it, basically nitrogen is inert gas, which means it brings no help to you regardless of how much you desire it. Or if you cannot stand that fact, so what? It does not seem like you can prevent nitrogen from travelling in and out of your body everyday. No matter how you react, they are still there. You have every knowledge, yet you cannot get a hold of them.

In situations like this, the best way to sort things out is just as how your body deals with nitrogen itself: totally ignore it. Learn to turn a blind eye to your haters, that is how you not start a battle with them. It is a bad idea to think of a way to, you know, revenge or anything. By doing that, you give them just another reason to hate you, which allows the fact of hating you to be more sensible and logical, which means you also lose in this battle provoked by you yourself. Nitrogen is, again, transparent and inert, make your haters be just like that.

Instead of focusing on the nitrogen around you, why not turn to another side and look at the oxygen? By oxygen I mean your friends, your real friends you love you for who you are and also treat you like oxygen to their life. Biologically your body needs way more oxygen than nitrogen, and you need helpful advice out of good will from people who care about you way more than those badmouthings coming from those who seek criticism even about the way you breathe.

From now on, if anyone ever tells you that they, or somebody else, hate you, just ignore it. I get in this kind of situation not just once or twice, yes honestly it is not so pleasant to admit, you can say that I have gotten used to it. Although it still irritates me a bit everytime, I still have to accept the fact and move on. I cannot and should not allow it to make me stumble and slow me down. There is more nitrogen than oxygen in the air, but you and I can still live healthily and happily without breathing it in actually.